So long, farewell, auf Widersehen, goodbye.

Goodbyes have never been my forté.

It has taken me over 20 years to realize this fact about myself, and it’ll probably take another 20 before it truly changes (though let’s not think about me at 40 please).

I don’t really know how or why that is the case, but I’m just really bad about letting things go. I can probably recount most of my embarassing moments from high school that everyone else has forgotten. I have a stack of newspapers from the colleges that I toured in high school sitting in my bedroom at home, and I know exactly where they are. I have shoeboxes full of letters and cards from people, some of which go back to middle school when one of my best friends would go to sleep away camp every summer and send me letters telling me what she had been up to. I can’t properly clean my room because I always get attached to things from my childhood (this might be an early sign of hoarding, I’m not too sure.).

And it’s not just things. If you’ve ever skyped with me, I’ve gotten pretty good at awkward goodbyes. It’ll take me forever to finally say I need to go and do something else. In person, I never know what’s appropriate as a goodbye. Do you wave, or hug, or awkwardly fidget and walk away? I never really know. (I apologize if you’ve gotten the last one from me before, I promise it’s not you it’s me)

So coming into this study abroad experience, I think I unintentionally came in with a wall around myself. I would become acquaintances with my classmates, but not get too close or too attached because I knew I would only be with them for 4 months and then probably never see them again. I wouldn’t get too close to the girls in my foyer because many of them live on the other side of the world and online connections don’t always work well. Goodbyes are hard enough, so why make them more difficult?

But ironically enough, maybe because of all the time I spent wandering the city alone, I grew attached to Paris itself. From the way the repairman at my foyer says “hello” (“hey-low”) to the sirens of police cars and the endless honking battles to the bakeries around every corner, somewhere along the way I grew to love this city. And with that, I opened up to people, made new friends, and enjoyed my time here. The chances of me seeing some of my friends again once we’re back in the States are slim, but the pictures and memories of them will always be with me.

In exactly a week from today, I’ll be on a plane back to Washington, D.C. Tonight was the final official get together of my program. Students, directors, coworkers, and tutors came together, sharing stories and food and cherishing our last moments as a group. Our 30 page research papers are due tomorrow, signifying the official end of my semester abroad. I got to work today and there was a note from two of my colleagues because I forgot to say goodbye yesterday (again with me being bad with goodbyes, though I honestly forgot they worked part time). Today was technically the last day of my internship, and my boss took me and my co workers out for lunch. Despite the language barrier, these are people that I will hold near and dear to my heart because they’re the ones who taught me so much this semester.

People have asked me what my favorite city has been while travelling. I can’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy Dublin and London, because those are definitely places I’d love to revisit. But Paris has become one of my absolute favorite places in the world. Despite the trash, the unpredictable and cold weather (I still have to wear a jacket outside and it’s the end of May), and the number of times I’ve been creeped on, there’s a certain charm about this city. Maybe it’s the incredibly well-dressed children who speak better French than I do and in a cuter voice. Or maybe it’s the mix of aromas as you walk through an open-air market. Or maybe it’s the surprise of encountering an employee who is genuinely friendly instead of one who doesn’t seem to care (anecdote of the week: I went shopping after work on Monday and went into this boutique close to where I live to look for a gift for my sister. I talked to the employee for a little bit since I was the only customer, then entered the fitting room with three pieces. Soon after, the same employee opened my door to hand me more pieces that I - or my sister - might like based on what I had originally picked out. After maybe 15-20 minutes in the dressing room, I walked out with maybe 16 pieces in hand thanks to this one employee). I wish I could accurately express what makes this place so magical, but I suppose that’s part of the allure of the city.

While I may never figure out why I love this place so much (though I tell people it’s the food, because let’s be honest that’s a very true statement), I do know for sure that this is one of the hardest goodbyes I will ever have to say. Thinking about it in French makes it a little easier, as goodbye in French is “au revoir,” which literally translates to, “to the next time we see each other” (or something along those lines). There’s less of a sense of finality in French. I’d like to think that one day I’ll be back here once again, but I have no clue where I’m headed in the future, so only time will tell.

And in regards to the unclear future, I leave you with the words of J.M. Barrie (Peter Pan) : "Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."

A tout,
Dana

P.S. If you want a souvenir, now is your chance to ask!