So long, farewell, auf Widersehen, goodbye.

Goodbyes have never been my forté.

It has taken me over 20 years to realize this fact about myself, and it’ll probably take another 20 before it truly changes (though let’s not think about me at 40 please).

I don’t really know how or why that is the case, but I’m just really bad about letting things go. I can probably recount most of my embarassing moments from high school that everyone else has forgotten. I have a stack of newspapers from the colleges that I toured in high school sitting in my bedroom at home, and I know exactly where they are. I have shoeboxes full of letters and cards from people, some of which go back to middle school when one of my best friends would go to sleep away camp every summer and send me letters telling me what she had been up to. I can’t properly clean my room because I always get attached to things from my childhood (this might be an early sign of hoarding, I’m not too sure.).

And it’s not just things. If you’ve ever skyped with me, I’ve gotten pretty good at awkward goodbyes. It’ll take me forever to finally say I need to go and do something else. In person, I never know what’s appropriate as a goodbye. Do you wave, or hug, or awkwardly fidget and walk away? I never really know. (I apologize if you’ve gotten the last one from me before, I promise it’s not you it’s me)

So coming into this study abroad experience, I think I unintentionally came in with a wall around myself. I would become acquaintances with my classmates, but not get too close or too attached because I knew I would only be with them for 4 months and then probably never see them again. I wouldn’t get too close to the girls in my foyer because many of them live on the other side of the world and online connections don’t always work well. Goodbyes are hard enough, so why make them more difficult?

But ironically enough, maybe because of all the time I spent wandering the city alone, I grew attached to Paris itself. From the way the repairman at my foyer says “hello” (“hey-low”) to the sirens of police cars and the endless honking battles to the bakeries around every corner, somewhere along the way I grew to love this city. And with that, I opened up to people, made new friends, and enjoyed my time here. The chances of me seeing some of my friends again once we’re back in the States are slim, but the pictures and memories of them will always be with me.

In exactly a week from today, I’ll be on a plane back to Washington, D.C. Tonight was the final official get together of my program. Students, directors, coworkers, and tutors came together, sharing stories and food and cherishing our last moments as a group. Our 30 page research papers are due tomorrow, signifying the official end of my semester abroad. I got to work today and there was a note from two of my colleagues because I forgot to say goodbye yesterday (again with me being bad with goodbyes, though I honestly forgot they worked part time). Today was technically the last day of my internship, and my boss took me and my co workers out for lunch. Despite the language barrier, these are people that I will hold near and dear to my heart because they’re the ones who taught me so much this semester.

People have asked me what my favorite city has been while travelling. I can’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy Dublin and London, because those are definitely places I’d love to revisit. But Paris has become one of my absolute favorite places in the world. Despite the trash, the unpredictable and cold weather (I still have to wear a jacket outside and it’s the end of May), and the number of times I’ve been creeped on, there’s a certain charm about this city. Maybe it’s the incredibly well-dressed children who speak better French than I do and in a cuter voice. Or maybe it’s the mix of aromas as you walk through an open-air market. Or maybe it’s the surprise of encountering an employee who is genuinely friendly instead of one who doesn’t seem to care (anecdote of the week: I went shopping after work on Monday and went into this boutique close to where I live to look for a gift for my sister. I talked to the employee for a little bit since I was the only customer, then entered the fitting room with three pieces. Soon after, the same employee opened my door to hand me more pieces that I - or my sister - might like based on what I had originally picked out. After maybe 15-20 minutes in the dressing room, I walked out with maybe 16 pieces in hand thanks to this one employee). I wish I could accurately express what makes this place so magical, but I suppose that’s part of the allure of the city.

While I may never figure out why I love this place so much (though I tell people it’s the food, because let’s be honest that’s a very true statement), I do know for sure that this is one of the hardest goodbyes I will ever have to say. Thinking about it in French makes it a little easier, as goodbye in French is “au revoir,” which literally translates to, “to the next time we see each other” (or something along those lines). There’s less of a sense of finality in French. I’d like to think that one day I’ll be back here once again, but I have no clue where I’m headed in the future, so only time will tell.

And in regards to the unclear future, I leave you with the words of J.M. Barrie (Peter Pan) : "Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."

A tout,
Dana

P.S. If you want a souvenir, now is your chance to ask!

Save Tonight

Hi guys!

Has it really been a week since I last posted? Time has been flying by in this last month, and it’s crazy to think that in a little over two weeks from today I’ll be on a plane with my brother headed back to the US. Where have the last 4 months gone?

Today I took my last exam for my seminar on Europe, so I figured as a treat for myself (instead of eating my feelings), I’d blog. Unfortunately, this will be one of my last posts, if not the last. I have to write at least 20 more pages for my research paper before next Friday, when it’s due. Then after that, my brother’s coming into town bright and early and I’ll be off showing him all of the places that I’ve fallen in love with. Until my paper’s done I’ll be MIA, and after that we’ll see how busy I am.

But before I start rambling on and on about my time here and how much I love this place, I have one other topic to cover – London! Not long after I last blogged, I boarded the Eurostar train and took the chunnel to London! I wasn’t as exciting on the way there because it was dark and I couldn’t tell the difference between the night sky and the tunnel, but on the way back to Paris you realize you’re in a tunnel for about 20 minutes. I’ve always liked trains, so the trip there and back was fun for me.

My dad told me to take a picture of the chunnel. So I did.

London itself though is a great city – if you have a chance to go, I would recommend it. Granted, after 4 days we were exhausted from walking around so much (mostly due to getting lost…), but there’s so much to do and to discover. Most of the tourist attractions have pretty expensive admission fees, but it was fun at least to see all the sights in person (we did splurge once at my request to ride the London Eye). One thing that Laura and I noticed early on was that in comparison to Paris, London is oddly quiet. I don’t know what made it so different, because there were still plenty of cars around, but it just felt calmer. It was different, but in a good way. 

No tourists were harmed in the taking of this photo.

One thing I realized about myself while in London was that the two public transit systems I know are both called the “metro.”  Which meant I was utterly incapable of referring to the London Underground system as the “underground” or the “tube.” I tried, really, but when you’ve grown up 5 minutes away from a metro stop, there are some things you can’t change about a person. I also was greatly confused and entertained by their identification system of the lines, with names like Piccadilly or Jubilee. My brain apparently only processes colors and numbers…this made travelling a little more difficult for me. But overall I had a great time in London, and while I don’t know if I’ll ever make it back there, I’m so glad I had an opportunity to spend a few days there.

After my short vacation, I’m once again back in Paris. Lately I’ve been jumping between missing my friends at home who are now already on summer break and realizing I have to leave soon (my visa expires in June). Before this semester, the longest I had been away from the States was probably 3 weeks, maybe a month, and with my family or someone responsible for me. While I haven’t been necessarily alone on this journey, I live in my own room and am responsible for my finances and daily life. And I’ve been doing this for 4 months now. My time abroad has changed my view of the world and of the United States, and of myself.  I’ve been travelling for as long as I can remember, and when I was applying to colleges, studying abroad was one of my big requirements. But after this time, I’ve come to realize that travelling isn’t just about being a tourist and going to the big expensive sights. It’s about embracing the culture that you’re in and not being afraid of trying new things. It’s not about going to the familiar places, but getting lost in the unknown. This semester for me has been about taking in another culture, and learning more about myself in the process. I’ve definitely had my weak points along the way, have given into American food cravings (I only went to Chipotle 3 times, I promise!) and speak English more than I should, but I’ve also eaten Lebanese food at an open air market at Bastille, had conversations with a French person about our lives over coffee at a café, and seen a play entirely in French. I’m not the same person that I was when I stepped onto my flight to Paris in January and said goodbye to Washington D.C. My time here has been absolutely unforgettable, and I’m incredibly grateful for this opportunity and for what Paris has taught me. I apologize in advance for when I go home and I only talk about this semester. I promise to cut down on the stories after a while…or at least I’ll try.

Since starting this semester, I have written in a journal every day. Most of it has been just to capture everything I did every day, but on my first day in Paris (I think my dad was taking a nap), I wrote down 6 goals for myself:

- Meet new people, both American and French (or neither!)

- Improve my French (to a point where I can comfortably speak and have a conversation)

- Reevaluate my relationships at home – who am I going to be friends with in the long run? Who will take the time to keep in touch with me?

- Explore a new(ish) country

- Find my passion – what do I want to do with my life?

- Journal daily

I’m happy to say that I think I’ve accomplished all of the things I had set out to do, plus much more. At first it was weird to think that I wouldn’t be spending another semester in the burg, but now I can’t imagine spending this spring anywhere else. 

And thank you all who have been reading my blog and keeping up with me. I have appreciated every Skype call, email, Facebook like, all of it. I’ve loved sharing my life with you. Post Paris, I might continue to post on here occasionally, to document my transition back to being an American. I’m excited for all the adventures that await me!

Love,

Dana    

The four week countdown

Hi guys!

So, I've known that I owe you a blog post, but the last couple of days have been pretty busy and crazy, so here's a quick update for now.

On Saturday, I took a day trip out of Paris to go to Giverny, where Claude Monet lived. As previously established, I love flowers, so I was freaking out the whole time as I got to wander through his gardens and house. I may have taken about 250 photos just of flowers...that's normal right? Needless to say, I had a really good time. Getting there was a little stressful though - I went in the morning, and when I got to the train station in Paris I had to buy my ticket, but I couldn't figure out how to buy it on the machines, so I had to get in line to buy the ticket from the counter. I bought my ticket 4 minutes before the train left, but thankfully I made it. But then once on the train I had to stay awake so I wouldn't miss my stop, then I had to find the shuttle to Giverny (the train went to Vernon, a town about 10 minutes away across the Seine). But thankfully, things worked out and it was a great trip. If you're ever in Paris in the spring/summer, and you like flowers/art, I would definitely recommend the trip. I'll post some pictures later on from the trip.

Since my trip, I've been trying to get some work done - not only do I have my paper to work on, but I also have a presentation tonight and an exam next week so I'm feeling more like a student than an intern at the moment. But on the bright side, and another reason why these past couple of days have been crazy, is that I'm leaving for London tonight! Tomorrow is a work holiday to celebrate the end of WWII, and Thursday is Ascension so I'm off both days, and I took Friday off so I wouldn't have to rush home. I've never been to London (besides one layover in Heathrow), so I'm really excited! I can't wait to share my adventures with you all! Today itself is pretty crazy because after my internship, I have my seminar and presentation, then I go straight to the train station to go to London. Once I'm on the train, I'll be less stressed (hopefully).

So I think that's an accurate summary of my life right now - I apologize if I'm rambling or making little sense. I learned a couple things last night - 1) the fire alarm in my foyer works quite well and 2) one 3.5 hour nap + one 3 hour nap won't equal 6.5 hours of straight sleep. For the first time since being here, the fire alarm went off at 3:45 in the morning; And someone pulled it as a joke. I take back all my complaints about fire alarms back home, because at least y'all have the sense to set them off at more reasonable times (not so much Yates, but they were still better than this one). It's only noon and I'm beginning to crash. Thanks, random stranger.

I'm gonna go find caffeine or sneak a nap into work...until next time!

Dana